My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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