That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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