i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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