Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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