If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
