Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
