i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
