New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
