the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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