i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
