thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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