i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
