Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
