you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
