its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
