**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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