i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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