i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize