I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
