ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
