is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
