I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize