So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
