It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
