The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
