what if every blade of grass was a penis?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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