I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
