So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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