if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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