The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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