im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
