WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
