is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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