I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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