I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
