Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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