i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
