It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
