she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize