Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
