My balls are so social today.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
