he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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