maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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