Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You made out with two different species that night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
