ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
