Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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