Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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