I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We are two peas in an std pod
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
