I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
