id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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