You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
