Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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