I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
