You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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