It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
