can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
