hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
