Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
