conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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