drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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