his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
