I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
