The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize