Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
