Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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