You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize