my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
