you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
