so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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